November, 2008
Early last month month my beloved mother passed away...suddenly, unexpectedly, devastatingly. My family is picking up the pieces and trying to make sense of it all. It's a slow process and a painful one. The time I spent in Texas with my family and many dear friends helped. A lot of people loved my mother. My father, brilliant and wonderful man that he is, kept us all not only strong but also open to the intense emotions we were all going to feel.
My life affects my rope play and my mother's death is impacting me in more ways than I can begin to understand. Some reactions, e.g. sadness, anger, grief, were totally expected. My inability to be in rope was a complete surprise. We were committed to Rope Bondage Dojo® in Kansas City not long after I returned to New York after the memorial and funeral services and I found that I couldn't complete a rope demonstration Midori and I usually do for the class on the first day. I couldn't stand having the rope on me; it filled me with anger and intense sadness. I was totally cut off from my normal affinity with rope bondage and I felt as though I had lost one of my senses. I felt blinded. This, of course, fueled more anger.
Fortunately for me, Michele and I were able to talk while Midori continued the class and I found my footing enough to make the rest of the weekend go more smoothly. Still, the situation left me with some questions about my healing process and what it needed to encompass. I needed to figure out what would and wouldn't be possible for me not only in my daily life but in my rope life as well. Part of that figuring out lead to the images in the gallery titled "Lament: A Kaddish For My Mother In Three Parts". I didn't know what a kaddish was until Michele told me (after I'd finished the Lament) that I'd performed my own version of one. It feels odd but wonderful to have stumbled into a tradition I knew nothing about.
My life will go on. I have my wonderful family. I have my friends. I have my work. I have my writing. I have my rope. And they all have me.
*****
To counterbalance the rawness of the Lament, I have two other galleries to present: one with our friend Dart and one with Jordan, my leather family little sister. They're fun and meditative and different.
Namaste,
The Shape of Things To Come: ROPE BONDAGE DOJO ® Don't miss out on attending! San Francisco Dojo ALWAYS sells out fast so keep checking the Dojo web site, http://www.RopeDojo.com, for registration information. Hope to see you there!
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